A Yogini in the Making

{This post was originally published on September 15, 2010. It was the first in a series I’ll be re-sharing here about my journey toward myself through yoga.}

Three months ago, when I broke up with my boyfriend of six-and-a-half years, I braced myself for the anger and grief that I knew would follow. It washes over me, the way powerful emotion so often does, in waves that swell, crash and then recede. But under all of that painful emotion, there has been a glimmer of hope that I haven’t felt in a while.

I’d spent the last three years of our relationship denying my own desires for more attention and commitment, and putting goals on hold, imagining they’d be easier to achieve with a spouse by my side. I wished for a committed, reciprocal relationship with marriage and babies on the horizon. It wasn’t happening, though. And so finally, when the pain of waiting on The Ex became greater than the hope of some imagined future together, I decided to move on.

In my new-found freedom, not just from the relationship, but from the limits I’d put on myself while waiting on him, I decided to do something I’ve been considering for a couple of years now. I started doing some research, and without thinking too long about it, I filled out an application for a popular 200-hour yoga teacher training program that would fit into my schedule, and sent in my deposit.

The second guessing and self-doubt started almost immediately, but I held strong and the excitement for something new and life-changing quickly took over. I’ll be in training classes one weekend a month and will take at least three yoga classes a week throughout the eight months the training takes place. As the first training weekend approaches, my excitement is growing. I believe this experience is going to be powerful. My body will change, of course, as I immerse myself into regular, dedicated yoga practice. But I’m thinking beyond my body.

I’m feeling inspired in my writing after just a single class with the training instructor, and I expect that inspiration will only grow as I turn inward in my practice. I look forward to learning meditation techniques that will help me center and focus myself. My interest in the philosophy behind yoga is increasing, and I can’t wait to dig into the book list—fifteen texts, including everything from The Bhagavad Gita to an anatomy reference book to a guide to macrobiotic cooking—and start learning and exploring new ideas.

The intended end-result of this teacher training program is to earn a certificate that allows me to teach yoga to others. But I have a feeling I’m going to get more out of the next several months than I could even begin to imagine right now. For once, I’m not concerned about the unknowing. I’m happy to be taking a step forward, wherever that step may take me.

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